Condemned for Shopping...

Valentine's Day this year was run over by a snow storm. A day later though, my boyfriend bought me an Amy Brown fairy. I was so excited as it was the one I had previously seen in the store. The store that he bought it from- Spencers. A store loathed by Christians.

My mother asked me where my boyfriend bought my fairy, and apparently it did not sit well with her that I had entered the store before. She had told me that I should not be supporting such a store because of the things that it sells. Of course, the other day I went into the store and bought a fairy to sit next to the gift my boyfriend bought me.

An online friend calls this compromise, though I simply call it shopping. Where else am I to buy my fairies?

I am not one to really care what a store sells as long as they have something to sell me that interests me. I do not care what they support, nor do I care much about who the people are unless I am there enough to get to know people. This doesn't make any sense to me. All I wanted to buy was a simple fairy collectible...
Condemned for shopping?

Christians and music

Music has always been a part of my life, but I really became attached to it somewhere around sixth grade when the Spice Girls were popular. Around that time, my mother hoped that she could draw me away from secular music by introducing Christian music to me. She was wrong- it only added to my collection of Cds. Later on, Christian music did become my favorite genre. I became bored and sickened by most secular bands- until Country. I became entranced by Country music like Reba, Randy Travis and Shania Twain. Recently, foreign music has become my favorite.
Over time, I have heard many views on music from Christians. It has boggled my mind in many ways, because it is not like music will make a person sin- at least not in my experience. One day while in youth group when I was in high school, a pastor once told me that a person should only listen to hymns and that any other music, including Christian music is evil because of the beat of it. My mouth dropped open and I argued with him because no one was going to tell me that something godly was evil. Many Christians tell me that secular music is wrong because we are not supposed to listen to anything that doesn't praise God. I believe that the song "Happy Birthday" falls into the category of "evil" then. Here's my philosophy on music: ask yourself these questions-
*Does this bring you away from God?
*Have you stopped praying?
*Is this all you think about?
*Are you still devoting time to God?
*Is this music making you sin?
If the answers to these questions are "No", then I would say that you are fine. I do
While I definitely believe that some Christians are right to think that secular music is evil; it is not evil for everyone. For some people, there is a certain lifestyle of sin that is associated with it to them. So listening to this music brings it back to them. For other people, it distracts them from God. Inherently, most secular music is not bad. Excessive swearing and sex in a song is not something that I would listen to though. Not only is this type of music explicit, but I tend to draw my line right there. I think that that ruins the music.

Suffering

This entry is much more like a devotional than anything else- including some lyrics I wrote today. My heart feels that I should post it in this way....
(I am aware that not all of you believe in God- but I hope that you will read this with an open heart and mind. If not, just for a fun read!:))

Suffering

A pixie wanders the forest haven all alone at dark
The flowers look faded and lonely
Gray in color
Tainted in the moonlight
The forest is spooky
Trees seem unfriendly
The sky is black and starless

All alone in fear
The fear of death and dying
Pixie shudders in her spirit
Dying with every step
She suffers fear and loss
Tears seem to move in
Pixie cannot fly
To a place filled with happiness

Unable to move from the dark forest
Pixie stares at the starless sky
Wondering why fear has swallowed her whole
She seems to shake inside herself
Fear and death consume her mind

Pixie wanders around, looking for God.
She asks, “Where are you?”
“Why are you taking the young away?”
Pixie asks before the tears take over again

The sunlight shows through the darkened trees
The flowers appear with color
The forest no longer looks spooky
Trees appear friendly
The sky is light blue
But this is a façade
Pixie flies with hurt and pain
The fear never seems to fade
Through all this time.


Many times we all put masks on our faces to cover hurt, pain, and fear. The "forest" around us is dark and lonely. Life just does not seem inviting, but instead of facing everything; we shut it out and pretend it is not there, while crying in the night. We don't stretch out our wings to the heaven and reach for God to pull us up. We forget that God is there for us.

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)

We forget that God is calling us into His arms, we forget that we do not have to bear the weight by ourselves and hide it like "Pixie" and the "forest" does in my poem.

You are my strong tower
Shelter over me, beautiful and mighty, everlasting king
You are my strong tower
Fortress when I’m weak
Your name is true and holy
And your face all I see
Your face is all I see
-Strong Tower (Kutless) Strong Tower Lyrics
I thought that these words were beautiful and encouraging. I thought of them when I chose the Bible verse. God is there, shelters us from the cold, dark forest. There is no need to run from His Tower, and hide the fact that sometimes we just need his comforting arms.

.......sometimes, i should take my own advice- perhaps thats why I felt the need to write this.

Angels

Most of the time, I've written songs about God and getting through things in life.

Recently, I have been thinking about camp. Heart Camp, it is a camp for kids with heart disease.

I wrote this song, Angels for a friend who passed on from a heart problem.

This is for Amanda....

Angels

You’re too tired to hold on any longer

You feel too weak from fighting your whole life

Ready to give in

To give up

It must be your time

To live among the angels

The porcelain angels by your bedside

They give you the peace as you lay there

Their beauty endures

While with love, you hold on

For someone special

A little longer you make life last

Afraid to leave loved ones behind

You’re aware of the pain they endure

To hold on with only alittle

You make a last wish

In hopes to see one last thing

Before you live among the angels

Things happen so fast

The very thing that beats inside you

Gives you the pain you’ve suffered

All of your life

It’s what makes you fight

But you want to give in

To live among the angels

Death is a difficult thing to deal with, especially when you return to camp, only to never see friends return. Nothing seems to make sense, why would God take a 21 year old girl away? Why would He let her suffer through a heart problem? Why was I born with one? It doesn't matter... what matters is my scar is a sign that I survived completely fine and my friends did not.
Some of them were not even my friends, either way, we were connected by the fact we all were at camp for the same reason. We have heart issues.
I used to deny my heart problem to feel better. Hey, i always assumed it didn't exist anymore anyways. Reality set in one day at a camp meeting. God really took away kids... young, only 17...
I could never understand it- but like a video; that day haunts me.
I feel better when i remember that Amanda is with God.... the Angels took her.